MARRIAGE

MARRIAGE

Hebrews 13:4a, “Marriage is honorable in all…”

Of all the principles and foundational pillars we have given in this material, marriage is probably the most important. We now move from building pillars to putting up the walls.
The pillars consisted of many things such as seeking God, humbling our hearts, studying the scriptures, loving God, fasting and engrafting scriptures and more.
Now we are building walls in our lives. Remember that your spiritual house has many walls and Satan will attempt to knock down the weakest wall, so he may destroy your life, so spend time on each and every wall in your life.
The first wall we want to look at is “My marriage is a commitment to God and my mate.” When God created marriage in His mind, He foresaw a man and a woman whose greatest desire outside of Him, would be to each other.
More beautiful then the starry heaven or the mighty dinosaurs roaming across the grassy plains of the newly created earth was the marriage of Adam and Eve. In Genesis one God created on six days. Each time, he said it was “good.” After he created the man and woman, He looked at His creation and said, “It is very good.”
As we look at the Bible and then look at the attitude towards marriage from the different cultures around the world, we have to stand alarmed.
No culture, no culture on the face of the earth teaches what God’s Word teaches about marriage. The only institution that teaches the truth about marriage is the Church and only a few of them teach the whole truth.

Here are some simple truths about marriage are:
1) Marriage is to be between a man and a woman (Gen 2:22-24).
2) Marriage is the most honorable institution in the world (Hebrews 13:4).
3) Marriage is for completeness, companionship and fruitfulness (Gen 1-2).
4) Marriage pictures the Church and Christ (Ephesians 5:21-33).
5) Marriage is the # 1 target Satan wishes to destroy (I Peter 5:8).
Of all the truths I have learned about marriage, this is the greatest reality: “Only a man seeking God will attempt to live his proper role and only a woman seeking God will attempt to live her proper role.” The culture we live in teaches a perversion of what God says is right. We must learn truth from God’s Word.

A lady placed an ad in the classifieds: "Husband wanted." The next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I Don't know son, I'm still paying."

A young Son said to his dad, "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
The dad replies, "That happens in every country, son."

Here are a few things that will help a marriage:
1 – If both partners are saved.
2 – If both partners are surrendered to the Lord.
3 – If both partners are seeking the Lord.
4 – If both partners truly want to serve the Lord.
5 – If both partners are sensitive to do things God’s way.
As you strive to glorify God, your marriage will become beautiful.
If a couple are saved but not surrender, their marriage could be more miserable then an unsaved couple. Why? How? There are two important keys in marriage. 1) Have the same goal and 2) have things in common. If an unsaved couple has things in common, they can get along better than some saved people who are not seeking the Lord.

A WORD TO THE HUSBAND…ABOUT THE WIFE
1 – A WOMAN LOVES TO BE TREATED WITH HONOR
First Peter 3: 7 “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel…”
a. The Bible says the wife is the weaker vessel. We are living in the last days. Women are becoming stronger and stronger and many men are becoming weaker and weaker. This scripture is not necessarily speaking of physical strength or emotional strength but it is dealing with the ability to fight against Satan. It is dealing with spiritual discernment. The Bible says, the reason God does not allow a woman to usurp authority over a man in teaching is because the woman was more easily deceived (1 Timothy 2:14).
My wife read three books by a woman whose husband was quite famous in Christianity. He died and she married again. Her second husband died and she married again. Over a period of 40 years of marriage to three men, her books moved from being quite conservative to quite liberal. It all had to do with the men she was married to and what they believed influence her.
b. Know your wife. “Dwell with your wife according to knowledge.” Every woman is different. Some will want more time, more kindness, more love than others. Thus, husbands know your wife and treat her accordingly to her needs.
c. Giver her first place in your life. “Give her honor.” Because God made the woman to be the most important thing in the husband’s life, every woman desires to be number ONE.
Every little girl loves to have daddy’s attention and time. When that girl grows up she wants a man that will give her attention and time. When she meets a man that will take time for her she is excited.
That couple begins to date. They talk and spend a lot of time together. The woman thinks, marriage is going to be wonderful and she believes this attention she is getting will continue after she gets married and the rest of her life.
Often after marriage the wife is suddenly overwhelmed that the interactions, the playing, the dating, the talking and the fun times have slowly faded into the sunset.
She is hurt and disillusioned because the man that showed her so much attention before marriage now has given that attention to other things and she no longer feels honored. She no longer feels that she is number one.

Men sometimes think that what they say or do may cause friction in the home. This is true, but it can also be what they don’t say and don’t do.
d. A wife likes her husband to recognize her and the things she does.
e. She wants him to sense her needs and meet them.
f. If he is to preoccupied with life and work and bills and hobbies and things, she feels unloved and uncared for.
So, men, be sensitive to your wife. Communicate with her. Involve her in every aspect of your life.
If she cleans the house notice it. Say something nice.
If she makes a good meal, don’t just sit down and eat. Take time to thank God and thank the one who made it.
If she works hard and brings home money for the bills, let her know you appreciate all that she does.
AN INTERESTING STORY
Gary speaks, “The crunch of corn chips distracted my attention from the Saturday afternoon football game. I watched in amazement as my wife and three children entered the den and began to eat their sandwiches, chips, and drink their Cokes while I sat only a couple of feet away without a bite to eat.
I thought, “Why didn’t she make me a sandwich? I’m the sole bread winner, and I’m being ignored as if I didn’t exist.”
“I cleared my throat loudly to catch my wife’s attention. She ignored me. When that didn’t work I became so irritated that I walked into the kitchen, got the bread out and made my own sandwich. When I sat back down I glanced at her with my irritating look. She saw me but she just sat in front of the TV and didn’t say a word nor did I.”
But I kept wondering, “If women are so sensitive, how come she didn’t know I wanted a sandwich? If women are so alert, why didn’t she hear me clear my throat or notice that I wasn’t speaking to her? Why didn’t she notice the expression of irritation on my face?”
A few days later when we were talking calmly, I said, “Donna, I’ve been wondering about something, but I hesitate asking you this question. Would you mind if I ask you a question?” She said, “Sure.”
“You know last Saturday when I was watching the football game and you made sandwiches for everybody but me, could I ask you why?”
Her reply was, “Are you serious? And she looked at me with amazement.
I said, “Sure, I’m serious, I would think since I make the money around here that buys the food, that you would make me something to eat too.”
She said, “I can’t believe you are saying that. I can’t believe you don’t know the answer to your own question.” She stood there with her mouth open. Dumbfounded I finally said, “Donna, I really don’t see it.
I admit I am blind in some areas and this must be one of them.” Donna then gave Gary a big hint, “Gary, sometimes we women are accused of being stupid but we aren’t. We don’t just set ourselves up to be criticized”
She seemed to think that explained it. So I said, “What does that have to do with the sandwiches?”
“You still don’t get it, do you?” she replied. Then she opened my eyes. “Do you realize that every time I make you a sandwich, you say something critical bout it?” You say, “You didn’t put enough lettuce or you put too much mayonnaise or you put to much salt and pepper. And I just didn’t feel like getting criticized, Saturday. I had a long week and I just said it isn’t worth making it because all I get is criticism.”
Gary had egg all over his face. He could recall many times that he had criticized the food his wife served him. Now he knew that “always” and “never” doesn’t mean “always” and “never”, but he had enough sense to know that it meant, “You have been critical so many times, it hurts.”
Nobody likes to be criticized. Remember, the best way to be shown a grateful spirit is to have a grateful spirit. Learn to be grateful and thankful. Just because you bring home the doe-ray-me doesn’t mean your wife is obligated to make you king for the day. If you learned to compliment the little things, you might find her wanting to do more things for you. Colossians 2:7 says we should abound with thanksgiving.

A WORD TO THE WIFE…ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND
A wife must understand her husband. Wives most men want to feel independent and free. They want to sometimes act as if they don’t need anybody, but that is contrary to God’s word. God made the woman to complete the man. Biblically, every man needs a woman. Statistically, a man needs a woman more than a woman needs a man. Far more men remarry after losing a spouse then women.
If you, as a wife, want to make your marriage better consider the following thought.
1 – EVERY HUSBANDS DESIRES ADMIRATION FROM HIS WIFE
One of the laws of nature that we all know about is the law of gravity. It has always held true. There are also laws of relationships. One of those laws is admiration. “Men are attracted to those who admire them and are repelled by those who belittle or look down on them.”
Ephesians 5:33 says to the wife, “Reverence your husband.” That means “to show him respect and honor,” but it means more. It means “to adore him, to admire him” and “to attach a high value on him.”
If a wife wants to influence her husband to change she must show him admiration. If he is a good man, take care of him and admire him. If you don’t someone else will.
Wives, admiration will in time change your husbands, but don’t admire your husband hoping he will change. Admire him because God says too admire him.
As God is changing him remember two very important things:
a. God is using you to complete him.
b. God is using him to change you.
If you want your husband to love you show him more admiration then you show your boss, your pastor and your friends.
HOW DO YOU SHOW ADMIRATION?
1 – Compliment the things he does for you. If he has ceased doing things, then use proper words to remind him of what he use to do. How? Say something like this, “Do you remember before we were married when we use to go on a date? You were so sweet and kind. I wish we could do that again some time.”
Don’t say this. “Look at John and Susie, they are so happy. I wish we were like them.”
2 – Compliment all his efforts. Let your husband know that you appreciate everything he tries to fix in the house. Don’t say this. “My husband can’t do anything around the house? He breaks anything he tries to fix.”
3- Don’t question him time and time again to do something. Ask him now and then (once a week or once a month). If he fails to take care of the finances, the leaking roof, the dead battery in the car, or if he won’t bury the dog that died a week ago, so let it be.
Remember what Solomon said in Proverbs 21:19. It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. The word contentious means one who is nagging and argumentative.
Let me say this, “A man that is slothful, does not think he is slothful and a woman that is a nagger doesn’t think she is a nagger.”
4 - Ask him what he would like for dinner at night. I know, he may say the same thing, “It doesn’t matter.” But, listen to him and if he mentions that something is good, find out how to make it and make it.
When you go out to eat, watch what he eats and find those recipes to make at home. Keep in your mine his favorite meals and keep them coming. Serve him his favorite dish, not once a year or once a month but often. That shows him admiration.
5 - Ask his opinion about your clothing and wear what he likes. If he wants you to dress a certain way, then do so for him. Now, I am old fashion. I like my wife to wear collar shirts. I know the style today is T-shirts for most people, but I like collar shirts and so to show admiration for me, my wife wears collar shirts.
When you wear what your husband likes, you are showing him, that his requests are first place and that is admiration.
If he wants your hair long, wear it long, if he wants it short, wear it short. As you want to be treated kindly, he wants admiration.
6 - If he asks you to change something then change it. Maybe you can give him 144 reasons why you shouldn’t change that certain thing. But sometimes men are simply looking for admiration.
Admiration is the feeling of pleasure, wonder and approval.
***Men want to be admired. Most ladies want to be treated with honor. Honor to a woman is the same as admiration to a man. Remember that!
A MARRIAGE MUST BE BUILT ON THE MATCH GAME
1 – Remember each others request.
Has your husband ever said any thing out of hope or regret? Then look for an opportunity to fulfill his request.
Illustration: I heard the story that one day a man said to his wife, “I would like to just watch one football game this season without being interrupted.” On a certain Saturday, the wife came into the den just before her husbands favorite team was to play. She said, honey I took the phone off the hook. The kids and I are going shopping.
I put a pizza in the oven and you favorite drink is in the refrigerator. We’ll be back after the game. In appreciation, the man began to work on some home projects that the wife asked of him a long time ago.
Husbands, has your wife ever said, “I wish I could do this or that.” Then do everything you can to one day give that to her. It shows honor.
No one can continually ignore loving and considerate actions.”
Ladies, “What are three things you know your husbands really enjoys?” Do them! Men, “What are three things you know your wives enjoy?” Do them!
Jesus Christ, “Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over (Luke 6:38).
2 – Praise each other.
Look for ways to draw attention to your mate’s positive qualities when around other people as well as alone. My wife brought a teaching to the ladies a few weeks ago on energy givers. Ask her for the booklet. It will enhance your marriage. Every body loves an energy giver. An energy giver gives praise, compliments and encouragement. They smile and speak gently and kindly. Learn to praise each other.
Wife, if your husband is sensitive, a hard worker, knowledgeable about a certain area of business, praise him for that. Does he help you around the house? Let him know privately and in public how much you appreciate him and often. Praise him every day at lease once!
Men, is your wife kind, sweet, does she keep the house nice, does she take care of your children, does she cook you meals, praise her for what she does.
3 – Learn about your mate’s life.
Your husband works a job whereby he is gone forty to sixty hours a week. Often there are frustrations and he has no one to talk to. Learn about his job.
Don’t try to learn everything in one sitting, but know what he is doing. When he comes home, let him know you appreciate what he does.
Men, stay home from work for a week and let your wife go off. Take care of the kids, wash the clothes, clean the house, cook your meals and then. Learn your wife’s life.
Each marriage partner needs to know the other one cares about the life they live. Each must be praised for what they do.
Jesus said, “To give a cup of cold water in the name of a disciple will not go unrewarded.” Whatever your mate does, encourage him/her and look for ways to show each other how important they are.
4 – Be willing to submit to new ideas.
Wives when your husband comes up with a new idea don’t cut him off. Don’t say, “I don’t like that, I don’t’ like change. We’ve always done things this way.” Be willing to make some changes.
Husbands, your wife may not like change. Often women find security and comfort in the same routine. So wives, be willing to change and husbands, have a good reason to give your wife for the change.
Believe it or not submission is the prettiest garment a wife can put on. It is very, very attractive to a husband. And men, Ephesians 5:21 says, “Submitting yourself one to another, in the fear of God.”
5 – Speak to your mate nonverbally. Know body language.
Studies of communication between husbands and wives prove that words, only make up seven percent of their communication.
Fifty-five percent of what a person says is facial expression.
Thirty-eight percent of what a person says is voice tone.
A husband can say to his wife, “Do you mind if I go hunting Saturday?” And the wife may say yes but only 7% of her is saying “yes.”
You can say, “I love you” and it can mean nothing. Or it can mean, you are the most special thing in the entire world to me.
A -When you talk, listen attentively by looking each other in the eye and listening to the tone of each other’s voice. A yes is not a yes if the facial expression and the voice tone say, “no.”
6 – Bury the hatchet.
Some husbands have really messed up in the past. Some wives have really messed up in the past. Maybe financial, maybe other ways and when push comes to shove, the wife or the husband can bring out the hatchet and remind each other of THAT time.
Bury it, folks, once and for all. In the Bible it is called forgiveness. Wipe the late clean. Let the past be the past. Forgive, try to forget and never bring it up again.