NICODEMUS
Back in February of this year I brought you a message entitled “A Message of Love.” It was a verse by verse exposition on John 3. It dealt with true salvation. The outline was 1) The Connection, 2) The Conversation and 3) The Conversion of Nicodemus.
In August of this year I brought you the doctrine of salvation on Wednesday night.
Today, I will bring you another message on John 3 and look at three major points:
I – NICODEMUS AND THE CHRIST
II – NICODEMUS AND THE CROWD
III – NICODEMUS AND THE CROSS
Some of the thoughts I will share with you are both radical and revolutionary. These radical truths changed Nicodemus’ life forever and revolutionize his thinking.
John is the only book where Nicodemus is mentioned.
I – NICODEMUS AND THE CHRIST (The Conversion of this man)
John 3:1, “There was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews:”
Some scholars believe that Nicodemus was Nicodemus ben Gorion, the brother of the famous Jewish historian, Josephus. Josephus was in the city of Jerusalem when the Romans encamped against it in 67 AD and finally burned it to the ground in 70 AD. Josephus wrote of the war, death, suffering, starvation and cannibalism that took place inside the city walls of Jerusalem during the Roman siege.
Another Nicodemus who lived in the first century was one of the three riches men in Jerusalem. But by the end of his life, he lived in poverty. His daughter was seen picking up seeds of barley for food from under the hooves of horses.
The poverty no doubt resulted from Nicodemus’ stand which he took for Christ after he became a believer. And if all of this is true, Nicodemus riches that lasted him a few years ended, but for the past 2,000 years Nicodemus has been one of the riches men in Heaven.
I share this with you so you might understand that in the early church when people came to Christ; most came willing to give up their fortunes, their fame, and even their families for the cause of Christ.
In verse one we notice Nicodemus’ religion and his rank. He was a Pharisee… a ruler of the Jews.
Nicodemus was a very educated man. He studied the scriptures as most Pharisees did. He knew that the Messiah was prophesied to come. Whereas most Pharisees were hypocrites, Nicodemus was a sincere seeker of truth. He was a religious conservative who believed in the traditional teaching of the Scriptures.
He had heard a rumor that the Messiah had come and Nicodemus wanted to find out if Jesus was that Messiah.
a. So, Nicodemus devises a plan to see Christ: He had heard of Jesus’ power and miracles. He heard how he drove the money changers out of the temple. Nicodemus enjoyed what he heard for he hated the hypocrisy in his religion. He knew there was something special about Jesus Christ.
He also knew that if he went to Jesus in the broad daylight that he might be immediately removed as part of the Sanhedrin.
He knew his Jewish brethren had the power to destroy a man’s life. So, he decided to privately meet with Christ.
When they met, we see Nicodemus’ had knowledge of the works of Christ. He also hungered to know truth:
In verse 2 Nicodemus speaks “…Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him.”
Many seeds were already planted in Nicodemus’ heart. Soon a revolution would take place in his soul.
He would soon see that Jesus was not just sent by God, but Jesus was a man inhabited by God.
He would realize that Jesus was not just a Rabbi but He was the sovereign authority of the universe.
He would soon discover that everything he had been depending on for salvation would be swept away in one statement.
b. Next, we see Nicodemus had a plight:
The plight or dilemma Nicodemus face is this: In a moment Jesus gives such a radical statement that it erased all the ideas of salvation that Nicodemus ever had. Jesus said, “Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”
With that statement Nicodemus’ idea of a religion that would take him to heaven was shot out of the water.
Jesus said. “It isn’t the keeping of the Mosaic law. It isn’t your observance of your religion or your fasting or your giving or your praying or your good works. It isn’t because you belong to the local synagogue.
Verse 3 was a revolutionary and radical statement by Jesus. The Jewish religion of the day had put many demands and works on salvation.
Jesus simplified it yet spiritualized it when He said, “Ye must be born again.” Remember that statement. (John Wesley)
Nicodemus didn’t ask (v 4) why do I have to be born again but, “How can a man be born again? Nicodemus knew he was lost. How? He had no idea what Jesus meant when he said, “Ye must be born again.”
Before I continue, I ask you, could you tell me what it means to be born again? I would bet if I asked five different people in this building what it means to be “born again” I would get five different answers. Please listen for a few minutes to what Jesus says.
First, Jesus presents to Nicodemus another revolutionary statement in verse 5. Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.
First, Jesus says, “Ye must be born again.”
Second, He says, “Ye must be born of water
Third, He says, “Ye must be born of the Spirit.
I have a second question for you. Do you know what it means to be born of water and the Spirit? Selah
Stop and look at John 3:10-3! I want to misread this text.
1 “There was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews:
2 The same came to Jesus by night, and said unto him, Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him.
3 Jesus answered and said unto him, if you believe that I will die and rise again, if you will admit you are a sinner and pray the sinners prayer, you will go to heaven.
First, I will share with you what the water and Spirit represent. Then I will reveal something quite different then what has been preached for the many years in many churches.
What did the water and spirit represent? John the Baptist answers that question in Matthew 3:11. “I indeed baptize you with water unto repentance: but he that cometh after me is mightier than I, whose shoes I am not worthy to bear: he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost, and with fire:”
The water represented repentance. The fire represents the work of the Holy Spirit. What does fire do? It purifies and cleanses. It changes the nature of something.
The Sanhedrin, led by the Pharisees had rejected what both John and Jesus taught about repentance.
Would it shock you to know that 75% of churches today in America have quit preaching repentance for salvation? They have also quit preaching regeneration or a new life after salvation.
So, let me give you what would be a revolutionary statement in many churches today. “If you don’t repent, you can’t be saved.” Jesus said in Luke 13:3 and 5, “I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.”
The person who prays the sinner’s prayer, but does not repent after the conviction of God’s Spirit is still lost in his sins.
Look at verse 8: The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit. Remember this: Salvation is a work of God, not of man.
So, Nicodemus had a plan. He wanted to talk to Jesus about Salvation. He had a plight. His religion was wrong.
c. Now, Nicodemus gives a Plea:
“…How can these things be?” (v 9)
Nicodemus had studied the Bible since a boy. He had attended the best Jewish schools. He was a rabbi. One of his colleagues was Gamaliel, one of the greatest Jewish scholars of his day. He had learned from the best. Yet Nicodemus realize that he was lost in his own religion and he says, “How can these things be?” “How could we be so wrong?”
May I make an application? I look at where a lot of religions are today in America and I see the same problem.
Just like Nicodemus did everything he was told to do by the famous Gamaliel and his teachers, many preachers have done the same today. They have followed the teaching of other preachers, when they should have followed the teachings of Jesus Christ.
***Folks, up to fifty years ago, the idea of praying the sinner’s prayer to get to heaven was not taught as part of salvation.
True Salvation for 2,000 years was this: Preachers preached, people prayed, the conviction of the Spirit fell. Sinners repented and cried out to God from a contrite heart and souls were saved and lives were changed.
Up till the 1950’s 80% of folks confessing Christ as Savior remained faithful to church. For the past fifty years 17% that profess Christ have remained faithful to church. I believe there is a problem as serious as heaven and hell.
Let’s turn back to John 1:11-13. Look at three thoughts:
11 He came unto his own, and his own received him not.
12 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:
13 Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.
Notice three things in verse 13:
1) Man’s salvation was not due to human descent or being born of human blood. Being a Christian has nothing to do with your birth, your parents, your nationality or your religion.
The Jews thought because they were born Jews they were entitled to heaven. Many folks believe that because they were born in America or because grandpa and dad were preachers, they are going to heaven. Some believe their denominational tag will get them to heaven. Some believe because they regularly attend church regularly they will go to heaven.
The great Methodist preacher, John Wesley, preached for many years before he was ever born again.
2) Salvation is not because of human desire or the will of the flesh. Take a crowd of 10,000 people and ask them, “Who here would like to go to heaven, raise your hand?” Probably at lease 95% would raise their hand. If told, pray this prayer and you will go to heaven, many would pray that prayer. But wanting to go to heaven doesn’t make a person a Christian. It is not by the will of the flesh.
3) Salvation is not of human design, or of the will of man. People say, “I believe in a creed. I believe in a prayer. I was confirmed. I answered all the questions right and was admitted to the church. I pasted the test to be baptized and join the church.”
That will not satisfy God. Jesus said, You must be of God. That means “Ye must be born of the Spirit.”
True Salvation for 2,000 years was this: Preachers preached, people prayed, the conviction of the Spirit fell. Sinners repented and cried out to God from a contrite heart and souls were saved and lives were changed.
So Jesus says, Salvation is not about your birth, breeding or your behavior. It is not a matter of desiring or doing, it is of God.
Salvation operates on an altogether different principle. Jesus gives us an illustration in John 3:14. And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up:
In Numbers 21, Israel had been complaining and griping about every thing in life. God sent fiery serpents to bite them and punish them. Many died. God told Moses to make a brass serpent and hang it on a pole. Everybody that wanted to be healed was to look and live. Some looked for seconds, some for hours and some for days.
That is the same picture of salvation today, “Look to Calvary and live.”
Jesus hung on the cross. He was judged for your sins. He who knew no sin allowed the venomous sins of mankind to be placed on his body. He died for you. Look and live. Look and live.
How long should one look? As long as it takes for you to truly believe. Some people have heard the stories of Calvary. Some people talk Calvary. But, have you ever sat down and looked at Calvary.
If you do, the one who died on the cross will change your life. If he doesn’t change your life, you haven’t looked long enough. Look and live! So, if salvation is not of human descent, desire or design, how does it transpire?
Look at John 1:12, “But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:”
The formula in this verse for salvation is; believe, receive, become. This formula is like the three parts of an atom. You have the protons, electrons and neutrons. If you take away any part, it ceases to be an atom. It is like water. Water is two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen. Take away any part and it ceases to be water.
Here are the three great truths involved in Salvation. Two steps man is responsible for and one step God is responsible for.
1) The first thing a person does when God’s Spirit moves upon him is believe, but not just anything. We are to believe on His name. That means we believe completely in all that Jesus said and stands for. We believe we are sinners. We believe Jesus died for our sins on Calvary. We believe we must repent and be born again by God’s Spirit.
2) Secondly, we must receive Him.
We can believe something in our heads and not with our hearts.
What we believe in our heads won’t change our lives.
What we believe in our hearts will change our lives.
I can believe that Jesus is the Savior of the world and even say “He is my Savior.” But, to make Him my Savior I must receive Him into my life.
Let me give you this illustration: A man offers me a job in New York. He says he will pay me very well. The salary is enormous. The privileges are great. It sounds like the best deal in the world. I am excited about it. I tell my friends about it. I talk about it, but I never take the job. I never leave my friends in North Carolina. Did I receive it? No!
The job is there, but is it mine? No! Not until I turn from my old life in North Carolina and receive the job in New York, is it mine.
Likewise, Salvation is freely offered, but I must receive it. I must exchange my old life for the new life. This is man’s part: believe and receive.
3) Here is God’s part: “To them gave he power to become the sons of God.”
Here is when the miracle of the new birth takes place. The word for power is the Greek word dunamis. It refers to a supernatural work of God. When God’s spirit and power enters your life, you are born again.
1) You are no longer the same person. (God’s spirit’s within)
2) You love different things. (Bible, Church, Brethren)
3) You are no longer ashamed to stand up for Jesus.
4) You have a desire to please Christ and honor Him.
5) God’s spirit fills you with love, joy, peace and much more.
Question: Do you have the power? You say you believe and you say you received. You are not complete until you become.
Do you have the power? Are you an unashamed son of the living God? You won’t be perfect, but you won’t be unashamed of Jesus Christ.
Romans 9:33 and 10:11 reads all who believe will not be ashamed.
II – NICODEMUS AND THE CROWD (The Confession of this man)
In John 7 Jesus had been teaching and performing miracles and the people were praising Him and desiring Him to be their king.
When the Pharisees heard about this they sent officers to arrest Him. The officers knew they couldn’t just walk in and arrest Jesus for the mob would have attacked them. So they waited and listened to the words of Christ. They were so stricken in amazement of what Christ said, that they returned to the chief priest and Pharisees without arresting Him.
The Pharisees said, “Why have ye not brought him?” (45).
The officers said, Never man spake like this man.
The Pharisees became angry and discussed and said, “Are ye also deceived?”
Then one of the leaders of the Pharisees looked around the room and began to eye each leader and ask, “Have any of you believed on Him?” This ruler in the Greek actually cursed in John 7:49.
The language today would be the d-word. God’s word says, “But this people who knoweth not the law are cursed.” The Greek means to be damned to hell.
Nicodemus has heard enough. In verse 51 Nicodemus speaks up for Jesus, “Doth our law judge any man, before it hear him, and know what he doeth?” Nicodemus was sharp. He gave to the leader of the Pharisees a quote from his own book. He said, “Don’t we teach that before we judge someone, we should sit down and talk to them and give them a chance to reveal the Scriptures to us?”
That stirred up the hornets next. A number of the Pharisees looked at Nicodemus and said, “Art thou also of Galilee? They were accusing Nicodemus of being a disciple of the Lord’s. Nicodemus didn’t answer. He held his tongue. In their anger, they broke up and went home.
The idea is this; everybody has their own crowd they work with. And you as a Christian may not say much, but when people start mocking your Christ, you have to speak up.
This is what Nicodemus did. He wasn’t overly brave about it for he knew how vicious this crowd could become, but he did stand up for Christ. Soon, something radical would happen to Nicodemus.
III – NICODEMUS AND THE CROSS (The Consecration of this man)
Read John 19:39. “And there came also Nicodemus, which at the first came to Jesus by night, and brought a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about an hundred pound weight.”
Nicodemus had believed, received and become a son of God, but not until Calvary did it dawn on him just how much Jesus loved him.
Calvary changed Nicodemus forever. Nicodemus knew that Jesus was the Christ, the son of God. He was afraid to let others know just where he stood until he looked and lived.
You know what folks, it might be good if we spend about six hours thinking on Calvary. The Bible doesn’t say that Nicodemus was there, but I believe he was.
I believe he watched the mockery at Pilate’s judgment hall and wept.
I believe he may have watched a little of the scourging when the Lord’s back was torn off by a cat-of-nine-tails.
I believe he was standing in Gabatha when he heard Pilate say, “take ye him and crucify him.” He could feel his insides crumble.
It was probably at this point; Nicodemus went to Joseph of Arimathaea and said, Joseph I know you have built your tomb.
You have the tomb, I have the treasures. Let’s give Christ a royal burial and fulfill the scriptures that say, he will be buried “with the rich in his death.”
Then I believe Nicodemus went to Calvary and watched his Savior die and it changed his life forever.
He no longer cared if he was welcomed in the most renowned religious order in Jerusalem. He no longer cared if he was part of the Sanhedrin. He no longer wanted to be associated with the Pharisees.
Calvary changed Nicodemus.
Life no longer mattered to Him. When Nicodemus saw the death that Christ died for him, he no longer cared if he lived or died.
When Christ utters those last words, “It is finished” Joseph goes before Pilate. He begs for the body of Christ. Nicodemus buys 100 pounds of the most costly aromatic spices available to embalm the body of Christ.
Christ was buried, and they waited. Nicodemus may have remembered Christ saying, “destroy this temple and in three days I will raise it up.” So, Nicodemus waited and in three days, up from the grave our Lord arose.
That was icings on the cake. Nicodemus already decided to live for Christ no matter what. But, now that his Savior lived and He lived forever more, the luster of this world lost its glow.
THE CROSS CHANGED NICODEMUS, FOREVER.
Different people spend a different amount of time at the cross. Some people are never changed from death unto life because their gaze at the cross is but a glance.
Some are changed but life is a struggle for they are trying to be part of two different worlds and they feel like they are being pulled into.
And then there are some folks who spend a lot of time at the cross and they see what many never see. These are what was called in the first century, radical Christians. Over the years the word radical seemed to strong of a term so they changed it. They took a synonym for radical. It was the word fundamental.
One of those men who spent a lot of time at the cross was Isaac Watts. He penned downs words like this:
“AT THE CROSS”
1- Alas! and did my Savior bleed,
And did my Sov’reign die?
Would He devote that sacred head,
For such a worm as I?
Refrain:
At the cross, at the cross where I first saw the light,
And the burden of my heart rolled away,
It was there by faith I received my sight,
And now I am happy all the day!
2 -Was it for crimes that I had done,
He groaned upon the tree?
Amazing pity! grace unknown!
And love beyond degree!
3 -But drops of grief can ne’er repay,
The debt of love I owe:
Here, Lord, I give myself away,
’Tis all that I can do.
What made Nicodemus a leader?
He traded tradition for truth.
He stood against his peers when he stood for Christ.
He focused on the cross and it changed him forever.
Isaac Watts also wrote:
WHEN I SURVEY THE WONDROUS CROSS
1- When I survey the wondrous cross,
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.
2- Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.
3- See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?
4- Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
MARRIAGE
MARRIAGE
Hebrews 13:4a, “Marriage is honorable in all…”
Of all the principles and foundational pillars we have given in this material, marriage is probably the most important. We now move from building pillars to putting up the walls.
The pillars consisted of many things such as seeking God, humbling our hearts, studying the scriptures, loving God, fasting and engrafting scriptures and more.
Now we are building walls in our lives. Remember that your spiritual house has many walls and Satan will attempt to knock down the weakest wall, so he may destroy your life, so spend time on each and every wall in your life.
The first wall we want to look at is “My marriage is a commitment to God and my mate.” When God created marriage in His mind, He foresaw a man and a woman whose greatest desire outside of Him, would be to each other.
More beautiful then the starry heaven or the mighty dinosaurs roaming across the grassy plains of the newly created earth was the marriage of Adam and Eve. In Genesis one God created on six days. Each time, he said it was “good.” After he created the man and woman, He looked at His creation and said, “It is very good.”
As we look at the Bible and then look at the attitude towards marriage from the different cultures around the world, we have to stand alarmed.
No culture, no culture on the face of the earth teaches what God’s Word teaches about marriage. The only institution that teaches the truth about marriage is the Church and only a few of them teach the whole truth.
Here are some simple truths about marriage are:
1) Marriage is to be between a man and a woman (Gen 2:22-24).
2) Marriage is the most honorable institution in the world (Hebrews 13:4).
3) Marriage is for completeness, companionship and fruitfulness (Gen 1-2).
4) Marriage pictures the Church and Christ (Ephesians 5:21-33).
5) Marriage is the # 1 target Satan wishes to destroy (I Peter 5:8).
Of all the truths I have learned about marriage, this is the greatest reality: “Only a man seeking God will attempt to live his proper role and only a woman seeking God will attempt to live her proper role.” The culture we live in teaches a perversion of what God says is right. We must learn truth from God’s Word.
A lady placed an ad in the classifieds: "Husband wanted." The next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I Don't know son, I'm still paying."
A young Son said to his dad, "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
The dad replies, "That happens in every country, son."
Here are a few things that will help a marriage:
1 – If both partners are saved.
2 – If both partners are surrendered to the Lord.
3 – If both partners are seeking the Lord.
4 – If both partners truly want to serve the Lord.
5 – If both partners are sensitive to do things God’s way.
As you strive to glorify God, your marriage will become beautiful.
If a couple are saved but not surrender, their marriage could be more miserable then an unsaved couple. Why? How? There are two important keys in marriage. 1) Have the same goal and 2) have things in common. If an unsaved couple has things in common, they can get along better than some saved people who are not seeking the Lord.
A WORD TO THE HUSBAND…ABOUT THE WIFE
1 – A WOMAN LOVES TO BE TREATED WITH HONOR
First Peter 3: 7 “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel…”
a. The Bible says the wife is the weaker vessel. We are living in the last days. Women are becoming stronger and stronger and many men are becoming weaker and weaker. This scripture is not necessarily speaking of physical strength or emotional strength but it is dealing with the ability to fight against Satan. It is dealing with spiritual discernment. The Bible says, the reason God does not allow a woman to usurp authority over a man in teaching is because the woman was more easily deceived (1 Timothy 2:14).
My wife read three books by a woman whose husband was quite famous in Christianity. He died and she married again. Her second husband died and she married again. Over a period of 40 years of marriage to three men, her books moved from being quite conservative to quite liberal. It all had to do with the men she was married to and what they believed influence her.
b. Know your wife. “Dwell with your wife according to knowledge.” Every woman is different. Some will want more time, more kindness, more love than others. Thus, husbands know your wife and treat her accordingly to her needs.
c. Giver her first place in your life. “Give her honor.” Because God made the woman to be the most important thing in the husband’s life, every woman desires to be number ONE.
Every little girl loves to have daddy’s attention and time. When that girl grows up she wants a man that will give her attention and time. When she meets a man that will take time for her she is excited.
That couple begins to date. They talk and spend a lot of time together. The woman thinks, marriage is going to be wonderful and she believes this attention she is getting will continue after she gets married and the rest of her life.
Often after marriage the wife is suddenly overwhelmed that the interactions, the playing, the dating, the talking and the fun times have slowly faded into the sunset.
She is hurt and disillusioned because the man that showed her so much attention before marriage now has given that attention to other things and she no longer feels honored. She no longer feels that she is number one.
Men sometimes think that what they say or do may cause friction in the home. This is true, but it can also be what they don’t say and don’t do.
d. A wife likes her husband to recognize her and the things she does.
e. She wants him to sense her needs and meet them.
f. If he is to preoccupied with life and work and bills and hobbies and things, she feels unloved and uncared for.
So, men, be sensitive to your wife. Communicate with her. Involve her in every aspect of your life.
If she cleans the house notice it. Say something nice.
If she makes a good meal, don’t just sit down and eat. Take time to thank God and thank the one who made it.
If she works hard and brings home money for the bills, let her know you appreciate all that she does.
AN INTERESTING STORY
Gary speaks, “The crunch of corn chips distracted my attention from the Saturday afternoon football game. I watched in amazement as my wife and three children entered the den and began to eat their sandwiches, chips, and drink their Cokes while I sat only a couple of feet away without a bite to eat.
I thought, “Why didn’t she make me a sandwich? I’m the sole bread winner, and I’m being ignored as if I didn’t exist.”
“I cleared my throat loudly to catch my wife’s attention. She ignored me. When that didn’t work I became so irritated that I walked into the kitchen, got the bread out and made my own sandwich. When I sat back down I glanced at her with my irritating look. She saw me but she just sat in front of the TV and didn’t say a word nor did I.”
But I kept wondering, “If women are so sensitive, how come she didn’t know I wanted a sandwich? If women are so alert, why didn’t she hear me clear my throat or notice that I wasn’t speaking to her? Why didn’t she notice the expression of irritation on my face?”
A few days later when we were talking calmly, I said, “Donna, I’ve been wondering about something, but I hesitate asking you this question. Would you mind if I ask you a question?” She said, “Sure.”
“You know last Saturday when I was watching the football game and you made sandwiches for everybody but me, could I ask you why?”
Her reply was, “Are you serious? And she looked at me with amazement.
I said, “Sure, I’m serious, I would think since I make the money around here that buys the food, that you would make me something to eat too.”
She said, “I can’t believe you are saying that. I can’t believe you don’t know the answer to your own question.” She stood there with her mouth open. Dumbfounded I finally said, “Donna, I really don’t see it.
I admit I am blind in some areas and this must be one of them.” Donna then gave Gary a big hint, “Gary, sometimes we women are accused of being stupid but we aren’t. We don’t just set ourselves up to be criticized”
She seemed to think that explained it. So I said, “What does that have to do with the sandwiches?”
“You still don’t get it, do you?” she replied. Then she opened my eyes. “Do you realize that every time I make you a sandwich, you say something critical bout it?” You say, “You didn’t put enough lettuce or you put too much mayonnaise or you put to much salt and pepper. And I just didn’t feel like getting criticized, Saturday. I had a long week and I just said it isn’t worth making it because all I get is criticism.”
Gary had egg all over his face. He could recall many times that he had criticized the food his wife served him. Now he knew that “always” and “never” doesn’t mean “always” and “never”, but he had enough sense to know that it meant, “You have been critical so many times, it hurts.”
Nobody likes to be criticized. Remember, the best way to be shown a grateful spirit is to have a grateful spirit. Learn to be grateful and thankful. Just because you bring home the doe-ray-me doesn’t mean your wife is obligated to make you king for the day. If you learned to compliment the little things, you might find her wanting to do more things for you. Colossians 2:7 says we should abound with thanksgiving.
A WORD TO THE WIFE…ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND
A wife must understand her husband. Wives most men want to feel independent and free. They want to sometimes act as if they don’t need anybody, but that is contrary to God’s word. God made the woman to complete the man. Biblically, every man needs a woman. Statistically, a man needs a woman more than a woman needs a man. Far more men remarry after losing a spouse then women.
If you, as a wife, want to make your marriage better consider the following thought.
1 – EVERY HUSBANDS DESIRES ADMIRATION FROM HIS WIFE
One of the laws of nature that we all know about is the law of gravity. It has always held true. There are also laws of relationships. One of those laws is admiration. “Men are attracted to those who admire them and are repelled by those who belittle or look down on them.”
Ephesians 5:33 says to the wife, “Reverence your husband.” That means “to show him respect and honor,” but it means more. It means “to adore him, to admire him” and “to attach a high value on him.”
If a wife wants to influence her husband to change she must show him admiration. If he is a good man, take care of him and admire him. If you don’t someone else will.
Wives, admiration will in time change your husbands, but don’t admire your husband hoping he will change. Admire him because God says too admire him.
As God is changing him remember two very important things:
a. God is using you to complete him.
b. God is using him to change you.
If you want your husband to love you show him more admiration then you show your boss, your pastor and your friends.
HOW DO YOU SHOW ADMIRATION?
1 – Compliment the things he does for you. If he has ceased doing things, then use proper words to remind him of what he use to do. How? Say something like this, “Do you remember before we were married when we use to go on a date? You were so sweet and kind. I wish we could do that again some time.”
Don’t say this. “Look at John and Susie, they are so happy. I wish we were like them.”
2 – Compliment all his efforts. Let your husband know that you appreciate everything he tries to fix in the house. Don’t say this. “My husband can’t do anything around the house? He breaks anything he tries to fix.”
3- Don’t question him time and time again to do something. Ask him now and then (once a week or once a month). If he fails to take care of the finances, the leaking roof, the dead battery in the car, or if he won’t bury the dog that died a week ago, so let it be.
Remember what Solomon said in Proverbs 21:19. It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. The word contentious means one who is nagging and argumentative.
Let me say this, “A man that is slothful, does not think he is slothful and a woman that is a nagger doesn’t think she is a nagger.”
4 - Ask him what he would like for dinner at night. I know, he may say the same thing, “It doesn’t matter.” But, listen to him and if he mentions that something is good, find out how to make it and make it.
When you go out to eat, watch what he eats and find those recipes to make at home. Keep in your mine his favorite meals and keep them coming. Serve him his favorite dish, not once a year or once a month but often. That shows him admiration.
5 - Ask his opinion about your clothing and wear what he likes. If he wants you to dress a certain way, then do so for him. Now, I am old fashion. I like my wife to wear collar shirts. I know the style today is T-shirts for most people, but I like collar shirts and so to show admiration for me, my wife wears collar shirts.
When you wear what your husband likes, you are showing him, that his requests are first place and that is admiration.
If he wants your hair long, wear it long, if he wants it short, wear it short. As you want to be treated kindly, he wants admiration.
6 - If he asks you to change something then change it. Maybe you can give him 144 reasons why you shouldn’t change that certain thing. But sometimes men are simply looking for admiration.
Admiration is the feeling of pleasure, wonder and approval.
***Men want to be admired. Most ladies want to be treated with honor. Honor to a woman is the same as admiration to a man. Remember that!
A MARRIAGE MUST BE BUILT ON THE MATCH GAME
1 – Remember each others request.
Has your husband ever said any thing out of hope or regret? Then look for an opportunity to fulfill his request.
Illustration: I heard the story that one day a man said to his wife, “I would like to just watch one football game this season without being interrupted.” On a certain Saturday, the wife came into the den just before her husbands favorite team was to play. She said, honey I took the phone off the hook. The kids and I are going shopping.
I put a pizza in the oven and you favorite drink is in the refrigerator. We’ll be back after the game. In appreciation, the man began to work on some home projects that the wife asked of him a long time ago.
Husbands, has your wife ever said, “I wish I could do this or that.” Then do everything you can to one day give that to her. It shows honor.
No one can continually ignore loving and considerate actions.”
Ladies, “What are three things you know your husbands really enjoys?” Do them! Men, “What are three things you know your wives enjoy?” Do them!
Jesus Christ, “Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over (Luke 6:38).
2 – Praise each other.
Look for ways to draw attention to your mate’s positive qualities when around other people as well as alone. My wife brought a teaching to the ladies a few weeks ago on energy givers. Ask her for the booklet. It will enhance your marriage. Every body loves an energy giver. An energy giver gives praise, compliments and encouragement. They smile and speak gently and kindly. Learn to praise each other.
Wife, if your husband is sensitive, a hard worker, knowledgeable about a certain area of business, praise him for that. Does he help you around the house? Let him know privately and in public how much you appreciate him and often. Praise him every day at lease once!
Men, is your wife kind, sweet, does she keep the house nice, does she take care of your children, does she cook you meals, praise her for what she does.
3 – Learn about your mate’s life.
Your husband works a job whereby he is gone forty to sixty hours a week. Often there are frustrations and he has no one to talk to. Learn about his job.
Don’t try to learn everything in one sitting, but know what he is doing. When he comes home, let him know you appreciate what he does.
Men, stay home from work for a week and let your wife go off. Take care of the kids, wash the clothes, clean the house, cook your meals and then. Learn your wife’s life.
Each marriage partner needs to know the other one cares about the life they live. Each must be praised for what they do.
Jesus said, “To give a cup of cold water in the name of a disciple will not go unrewarded.” Whatever your mate does, encourage him/her and look for ways to show each other how important they are.
4 – Be willing to submit to new ideas.
Wives when your husband comes up with a new idea don’t cut him off. Don’t say, “I don’t like that, I don’t’ like change. We’ve always done things this way.” Be willing to make some changes.
Husbands, your wife may not like change. Often women find security and comfort in the same routine. So wives, be willing to change and husbands, have a good reason to give your wife for the change.
Believe it or not submission is the prettiest garment a wife can put on. It is very, very attractive to a husband. And men, Ephesians 5:21 says, “Submitting yourself one to another, in the fear of God.”
5 – Speak to your mate nonverbally. Know body language.
Studies of communication between husbands and wives prove that words, only make up seven percent of their communication.
Fifty-five percent of what a person says is facial expression.
Thirty-eight percent of what a person says is voice tone.
A husband can say to his wife, “Do you mind if I go hunting Saturday?” And the wife may say yes but only 7% of her is saying “yes.”
You can say, “I love you” and it can mean nothing. Or it can mean, you are the most special thing in the entire world to me.
A -When you talk, listen attentively by looking each other in the eye and listening to the tone of each other’s voice. A yes is not a yes if the facial expression and the voice tone say, “no.”
6 – Bury the hatchet.
Some husbands have really messed up in the past. Some wives have really messed up in the past. Maybe financial, maybe other ways and when push comes to shove, the wife or the husband can bring out the hatchet and remind each other of THAT time.
Bury it, folks, once and for all. In the Bible it is called forgiveness. Wipe the late clean. Let the past be the past. Forgive, try to forget and never bring it up again.
Hebrews 13:4a, “Marriage is honorable in all…”
Of all the principles and foundational pillars we have given in this material, marriage is probably the most important. We now move from building pillars to putting up the walls.
The pillars consisted of many things such as seeking God, humbling our hearts, studying the scriptures, loving God, fasting and engrafting scriptures and more.
Now we are building walls in our lives. Remember that your spiritual house has many walls and Satan will attempt to knock down the weakest wall, so he may destroy your life, so spend time on each and every wall in your life.
The first wall we want to look at is “My marriage is a commitment to God and my mate.” When God created marriage in His mind, He foresaw a man and a woman whose greatest desire outside of Him, would be to each other.
More beautiful then the starry heaven or the mighty dinosaurs roaming across the grassy plains of the newly created earth was the marriage of Adam and Eve. In Genesis one God created on six days. Each time, he said it was “good.” After he created the man and woman, He looked at His creation and said, “It is very good.”
As we look at the Bible and then look at the attitude towards marriage from the different cultures around the world, we have to stand alarmed.
No culture, no culture on the face of the earth teaches what God’s Word teaches about marriage. The only institution that teaches the truth about marriage is the Church and only a few of them teach the whole truth.
Here are some simple truths about marriage are:
1) Marriage is to be between a man and a woman (Gen 2:22-24).
2) Marriage is the most honorable institution in the world (Hebrews 13:4).
3) Marriage is for completeness, companionship and fruitfulness (Gen 1-2).
4) Marriage pictures the Church and Christ (Ephesians 5:21-33).
5) Marriage is the # 1 target Satan wishes to destroy (I Peter 5:8).
Of all the truths I have learned about marriage, this is the greatest reality: “Only a man seeking God will attempt to live his proper role and only a woman seeking God will attempt to live her proper role.” The culture we live in teaches a perversion of what God says is right. We must learn truth from God’s Word.
A lady placed an ad in the classifieds: "Husband wanted." The next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I Don't know son, I'm still paying."
A young Son said to his dad, "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
The dad replies, "That happens in every country, son."
Here are a few things that will help a marriage:
1 – If both partners are saved.
2 – If both partners are surrendered to the Lord.
3 – If both partners are seeking the Lord.
4 – If both partners truly want to serve the Lord.
5 – If both partners are sensitive to do things God’s way.
As you strive to glorify God, your marriage will become beautiful.
If a couple are saved but not surrender, their marriage could be more miserable then an unsaved couple. Why? How? There are two important keys in marriage. 1) Have the same goal and 2) have things in common. If an unsaved couple has things in common, they can get along better than some saved people who are not seeking the Lord.
A WORD TO THE HUSBAND…ABOUT THE WIFE
1 – A WOMAN LOVES TO BE TREATED WITH HONOR
First Peter 3: 7 “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel…”
a. The Bible says the wife is the weaker vessel. We are living in the last days. Women are becoming stronger and stronger and many men are becoming weaker and weaker. This scripture is not necessarily speaking of physical strength or emotional strength but it is dealing with the ability to fight against Satan. It is dealing with spiritual discernment. The Bible says, the reason God does not allow a woman to usurp authority over a man in teaching is because the woman was more easily deceived (1 Timothy 2:14).
My wife read three books by a woman whose husband was quite famous in Christianity. He died and she married again. Her second husband died and she married again. Over a period of 40 years of marriage to three men, her books moved from being quite conservative to quite liberal. It all had to do with the men she was married to and what they believed influence her.
b. Know your wife. “Dwell with your wife according to knowledge.” Every woman is different. Some will want more time, more kindness, more love than others. Thus, husbands know your wife and treat her accordingly to her needs.
c. Giver her first place in your life. “Give her honor.” Because God made the woman to be the most important thing in the husband’s life, every woman desires to be number ONE.
Every little girl loves to have daddy’s attention and time. When that girl grows up she wants a man that will give her attention and time. When she meets a man that will take time for her she is excited.
That couple begins to date. They talk and spend a lot of time together. The woman thinks, marriage is going to be wonderful and she believes this attention she is getting will continue after she gets married and the rest of her life.
Often after marriage the wife is suddenly overwhelmed that the interactions, the playing, the dating, the talking and the fun times have slowly faded into the sunset.
She is hurt and disillusioned because the man that showed her so much attention before marriage now has given that attention to other things and she no longer feels honored. She no longer feels that she is number one.
Men sometimes think that what they say or do may cause friction in the home. This is true, but it can also be what they don’t say and don’t do.
d. A wife likes her husband to recognize her and the things she does.
e. She wants him to sense her needs and meet them.
f. If he is to preoccupied with life and work and bills and hobbies and things, she feels unloved and uncared for.
So, men, be sensitive to your wife. Communicate with her. Involve her in every aspect of your life.
If she cleans the house notice it. Say something nice.
If she makes a good meal, don’t just sit down and eat. Take time to thank God and thank the one who made it.
If she works hard and brings home money for the bills, let her know you appreciate all that she does.
AN INTERESTING STORY
Gary speaks, “The crunch of corn chips distracted my attention from the Saturday afternoon football game. I watched in amazement as my wife and three children entered the den and began to eat their sandwiches, chips, and drink their Cokes while I sat only a couple of feet away without a bite to eat.
I thought, “Why didn’t she make me a sandwich? I’m the sole bread winner, and I’m being ignored as if I didn’t exist.”
“I cleared my throat loudly to catch my wife’s attention. She ignored me. When that didn’t work I became so irritated that I walked into the kitchen, got the bread out and made my own sandwich. When I sat back down I glanced at her with my irritating look. She saw me but she just sat in front of the TV and didn’t say a word nor did I.”
But I kept wondering, “If women are so sensitive, how come she didn’t know I wanted a sandwich? If women are so alert, why didn’t she hear me clear my throat or notice that I wasn’t speaking to her? Why didn’t she notice the expression of irritation on my face?”
A few days later when we were talking calmly, I said, “Donna, I’ve been wondering about something, but I hesitate asking you this question. Would you mind if I ask you a question?” She said, “Sure.”
“You know last Saturday when I was watching the football game and you made sandwiches for everybody but me, could I ask you why?”
Her reply was, “Are you serious? And she looked at me with amazement.
I said, “Sure, I’m serious, I would think since I make the money around here that buys the food, that you would make me something to eat too.”
She said, “I can’t believe you are saying that. I can’t believe you don’t know the answer to your own question.” She stood there with her mouth open. Dumbfounded I finally said, “Donna, I really don’t see it.
I admit I am blind in some areas and this must be one of them.” Donna then gave Gary a big hint, “Gary, sometimes we women are accused of being stupid but we aren’t. We don’t just set ourselves up to be criticized”
She seemed to think that explained it. So I said, “What does that have to do with the sandwiches?”
“You still don’t get it, do you?” she replied. Then she opened my eyes. “Do you realize that every time I make you a sandwich, you say something critical bout it?” You say, “You didn’t put enough lettuce or you put too much mayonnaise or you put to much salt and pepper. And I just didn’t feel like getting criticized, Saturday. I had a long week and I just said it isn’t worth making it because all I get is criticism.”
Gary had egg all over his face. He could recall many times that he had criticized the food his wife served him. Now he knew that “always” and “never” doesn’t mean “always” and “never”, but he had enough sense to know that it meant, “You have been critical so many times, it hurts.”
Nobody likes to be criticized. Remember, the best way to be shown a grateful spirit is to have a grateful spirit. Learn to be grateful and thankful. Just because you bring home the doe-ray-me doesn’t mean your wife is obligated to make you king for the day. If you learned to compliment the little things, you might find her wanting to do more things for you. Colossians 2:7 says we should abound with thanksgiving.
A WORD TO THE WIFE…ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND
A wife must understand her husband. Wives most men want to feel independent and free. They want to sometimes act as if they don’t need anybody, but that is contrary to God’s word. God made the woman to complete the man. Biblically, every man needs a woman. Statistically, a man needs a woman more than a woman needs a man. Far more men remarry after losing a spouse then women.
If you, as a wife, want to make your marriage better consider the following thought.
1 – EVERY HUSBANDS DESIRES ADMIRATION FROM HIS WIFE
One of the laws of nature that we all know about is the law of gravity. It has always held true. There are also laws of relationships. One of those laws is admiration. “Men are attracted to those who admire them and are repelled by those who belittle or look down on them.”
Ephesians 5:33 says to the wife, “Reverence your husband.” That means “to show him respect and honor,” but it means more. It means “to adore him, to admire him” and “to attach a high value on him.”
If a wife wants to influence her husband to change she must show him admiration. If he is a good man, take care of him and admire him. If you don’t someone else will.
Wives, admiration will in time change your husbands, but don’t admire your husband hoping he will change. Admire him because God says too admire him.
As God is changing him remember two very important things:
a. God is using you to complete him.
b. God is using him to change you.
If you want your husband to love you show him more admiration then you show your boss, your pastor and your friends.
HOW DO YOU SHOW ADMIRATION?
1 – Compliment the things he does for you. If he has ceased doing things, then use proper words to remind him of what he use to do. How? Say something like this, “Do you remember before we were married when we use to go on a date? You were so sweet and kind. I wish we could do that again some time.”
Don’t say this. “Look at John and Susie, they are so happy. I wish we were like them.”
2 – Compliment all his efforts. Let your husband know that you appreciate everything he tries to fix in the house. Don’t say this. “My husband can’t do anything around the house? He breaks anything he tries to fix.”
3- Don’t question him time and time again to do something. Ask him now and then (once a week or once a month). If he fails to take care of the finances, the leaking roof, the dead battery in the car, or if he won’t bury the dog that died a week ago, so let it be.
Remember what Solomon said in Proverbs 21:19. It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. The word contentious means one who is nagging and argumentative.
Let me say this, “A man that is slothful, does not think he is slothful and a woman that is a nagger doesn’t think she is a nagger.”
4 - Ask him what he would like for dinner at night. I know, he may say the same thing, “It doesn’t matter.” But, listen to him and if he mentions that something is good, find out how to make it and make it.
When you go out to eat, watch what he eats and find those recipes to make at home. Keep in your mine his favorite meals and keep them coming. Serve him his favorite dish, not once a year or once a month but often. That shows him admiration.
5 - Ask his opinion about your clothing and wear what he likes. If he wants you to dress a certain way, then do so for him. Now, I am old fashion. I like my wife to wear collar shirts. I know the style today is T-shirts for most people, but I like collar shirts and so to show admiration for me, my wife wears collar shirts.
When you wear what your husband likes, you are showing him, that his requests are first place and that is admiration.
If he wants your hair long, wear it long, if he wants it short, wear it short. As you want to be treated kindly, he wants admiration.
6 - If he asks you to change something then change it. Maybe you can give him 144 reasons why you shouldn’t change that certain thing. But sometimes men are simply looking for admiration.
Admiration is the feeling of pleasure, wonder and approval.
***Men want to be admired. Most ladies want to be treated with honor. Honor to a woman is the same as admiration to a man. Remember that!
A MARRIAGE MUST BE BUILT ON THE MATCH GAME
1 – Remember each others request.
Has your husband ever said any thing out of hope or regret? Then look for an opportunity to fulfill his request.
Illustration: I heard the story that one day a man said to his wife, “I would like to just watch one football game this season without being interrupted.” On a certain Saturday, the wife came into the den just before her husbands favorite team was to play. She said, honey I took the phone off the hook. The kids and I are going shopping.
I put a pizza in the oven and you favorite drink is in the refrigerator. We’ll be back after the game. In appreciation, the man began to work on some home projects that the wife asked of him a long time ago.
Husbands, has your wife ever said, “I wish I could do this or that.” Then do everything you can to one day give that to her. It shows honor.
No one can continually ignore loving and considerate actions.”
Ladies, “What are three things you know your husbands really enjoys?” Do them! Men, “What are three things you know your wives enjoy?” Do them!
Jesus Christ, “Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over (Luke 6:38).
2 – Praise each other.
Look for ways to draw attention to your mate’s positive qualities when around other people as well as alone. My wife brought a teaching to the ladies a few weeks ago on energy givers. Ask her for the booklet. It will enhance your marriage. Every body loves an energy giver. An energy giver gives praise, compliments and encouragement. They smile and speak gently and kindly. Learn to praise each other.
Wife, if your husband is sensitive, a hard worker, knowledgeable about a certain area of business, praise him for that. Does he help you around the house? Let him know privately and in public how much you appreciate him and often. Praise him every day at lease once!
Men, is your wife kind, sweet, does she keep the house nice, does she take care of your children, does she cook you meals, praise her for what she does.
3 – Learn about your mate’s life.
Your husband works a job whereby he is gone forty to sixty hours a week. Often there are frustrations and he has no one to talk to. Learn about his job.
Don’t try to learn everything in one sitting, but know what he is doing. When he comes home, let him know you appreciate what he does.
Men, stay home from work for a week and let your wife go off. Take care of the kids, wash the clothes, clean the house, cook your meals and then. Learn your wife’s life.
Each marriage partner needs to know the other one cares about the life they live. Each must be praised for what they do.
Jesus said, “To give a cup of cold water in the name of a disciple will not go unrewarded.” Whatever your mate does, encourage him/her and look for ways to show each other how important they are.
4 – Be willing to submit to new ideas.
Wives when your husband comes up with a new idea don’t cut him off. Don’t say, “I don’t like that, I don’t’ like change. We’ve always done things this way.” Be willing to make some changes.
Husbands, your wife may not like change. Often women find security and comfort in the same routine. So wives, be willing to change and husbands, have a good reason to give your wife for the change.
Believe it or not submission is the prettiest garment a wife can put on. It is very, very attractive to a husband. And men, Ephesians 5:21 says, “Submitting yourself one to another, in the fear of God.”
5 – Speak to your mate nonverbally. Know body language.
Studies of communication between husbands and wives prove that words, only make up seven percent of their communication.
Fifty-five percent of what a person says is facial expression.
Thirty-eight percent of what a person says is voice tone.
A husband can say to his wife, “Do you mind if I go hunting Saturday?” And the wife may say yes but only 7% of her is saying “yes.”
You can say, “I love you” and it can mean nothing. Or it can mean, you are the most special thing in the entire world to me.
A -When you talk, listen attentively by looking each other in the eye and listening to the tone of each other’s voice. A yes is not a yes if the facial expression and the voice tone say, “no.”
6 – Bury the hatchet.
Some husbands have really messed up in the past. Some wives have really messed up in the past. Maybe financial, maybe other ways and when push comes to shove, the wife or the husband can bring out the hatchet and remind each other of THAT time.
Bury it, folks, once and for all. In the Bible it is called forgiveness. Wipe the late clean. Let the past be the past. Forgive, try to forget and never bring it up again.
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