The Spirit of Marriage

THE FIRST MARRIAGE
In Luke 20, some men came to Jesus tempting him and said, a woman was married and her husband died and so she married his brother and he died and so she married seven brothers, for that was the custom. They asked, “Whose wife will she be in the resurrection?
Luke 20: 34 And Jesus answering said unto them, The children of this world marry, and are given in marriage:
35 But they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage:
Marriage was the first human institution ordained by God. It was of course to reflect the wonder of God and the oneness man should have with God. Satan has waged war against the institution from the moment God began it.
The first marriage was quite unique, but then again, every marriage is unique. Adam didn’t go off to college to get his bride, nor was she his childhood sweetheart or neighborhood sweetheart.
God put Adam to sleep and did a little surgery. When Adam woke up and there was the most beautiful woman in the entire world.
When Adam said, “I’ve never seen a woman as beautiful as you,” he was telling the truth.
When Eve said to Adam, “You are the smartest man I’ve ever met,” she was also telling the truth.
We recall the story of the egotistical man who said to his blond wife, “Why did God make you so irresistibly beautiful and yet, so incredibly dumb?” His blond-headed wife replied. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me and God made me dumb so I would be attracted to you.
Now, we know that is not true, but with many couples fighting all the time, you wonder just what is wrong with the Christian idea of marriage.
Story: I am sure you all know the fictitious story of Adam speaking with God about the need of a wife. God said to Adam, “Adam, how would like a woman that would love you no matter what you did? How would you like a woman that would rub your back and feet after work? She would cook your meals, clean your house, pick up your clothes, cut the grass, take care of the garden and she would never once complain. She would meet you with a smile, sweet words and she would stay beautiful all the days of your life. Adam said, “Wow! What would that cost me?” God said, “It will cost you an arm and a leg?” Adam said, “What can I get for a rib,” and the rest is history?”
In the twenty-first century we smile or chuckle at that story simply because Biblical roles are played to much by Christians couples any more, much less by the unsaved world.
What I will bring to you in this message is marriage, God’s way. It is according to the Bible. You may take what is said and implement it into your life. If you do, I promise you a wonderful marriage.
Or, like most people you may stand shocked and amazed and continue the way you are going.
This message will reveal a few ingredients that can make marriage wonderful again.
Let us examine the first marriage God made. Turn to Genesis two.
First, there was an Operation:
We see the Doctor and the doctored.
Read Genesis 2:22. And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
The Lord is the Doctor: We learned in this last message that to have a happy marriage, both man and woman must submit to the doctor.
In verse 21 God put man to sleep and some women feel sure, that their husbands haven’t awakened yet. But, God put man to sleep and made woman.
The simple analogy is God knows what is best.
-He laid the ground rules for marriage.
-He does not need the advice of the man or woman.
-Marriage does not to be improved on.
-Marriage needs to just be lived according to what God says.
-God does not need our opinion to how a marriage should operate.
-The reason America is experiencing a 50% divorce rate is due to couples wanting to make their own rules for marriage rather than adopting the rules of God.
-If we are to truly enjoy the most fantastic union in the world we must make a vow in marriage to live a life of submission to the Lord.
I will teach Ephesians 5:21 says, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

There are two types of submission. One is willing submission because of love; the other is obedient submission because of authority.
So often, we are obedient to God because we recognize Him as our authority and that is OK, but that is not good enough. God would prefer we obey Him, because we love and delight in Him.
How do we get to that place where we love and delight in God? It is achieved when we simply learn about Him from the Bible.
Now, let me say this, God is Awesome. I know people in the Church that spend time with the Lord. They know God is awesome. They know He is Holy. They know He is irresistibly wonderful. His love is overpowering. He is more alluring and appealing than anyone or anything on earth.
Now think! If a man will take the time to submit to God and get to know God, he can’t help, but love God.
If you adore someone, and we should adore the Lord, we then begin to act like that someone. Amen!
If a man truly loved the Lord, he would want to become like the Lord. If the Lord’s qualities are as irresistible as I have described, what will happen to the wife?

Let me show you what has happened over time: In many godly homes the Christian wife played her role of submission and enjoyed it greatly, because her husband played his role of submission to God.
The woman felt strength and security and was overwhelmed by the magnetism of her man.
Then, men began to get out from under God’s authority. They lost focus of God. They lost their magnetism and attraction.
Men began to concentrate on their outward appearance rather than their heart. They felt that money or muscles were more attractive that kindness and godliness.
Many godly women still tried to play their role, but it became more difficult. Finally many women, said, “It is just too hurtful to treat my husband like a king, when he no longer treats me like a queen. The wounds were too deep.”

Many husbands began to give their wives second, then third, then fourth place in their lives. Sports, hunting, money, friends, buddies, activities and work came before the wife.
Many men enjoyed bring children into the world, but then dumped the responsibility of the training of the children on the wife.
The wife felt forsaken and used, and many good women therefore rebelled against God’s ways and felt justified.
The wife felt more like a slave than a queen, so she began to find her friends, her activities and set her own goals in life. Who suffered most? The children suffered most and then the name of God.
There are some good men, who take the spiritual leadership and set the example for the wife and their marriage is beautiful. Thank God!
And there are some women who love to play their role to a godly man. Remember, God intended marriage to be the most wonderful facet of life. Of all activities in the world marriage was to shine the most glorious for God.

WARNING: Keep this passage in mind: Judges 21:25 reads, In those days there was no king in Israel: every man did that which was right in his own eyes.
The reason many marriages fail is because many couples make up their own rules about marriage. Here are some things that cause problems in marriage:
A – IGNORANCE: First, there are those totally ignorant of Scripture: Many folks today have no idea what the Bible teaches about marriage. They enter this union that is supposed to be sanctioned by God with little or no knowledge of Scriptural teachings at all and when everything in the home is turned upside down, they wonder why. They think because they say “I’m save” that everything is going to be great, but they are wrong.
B – REBELLION: There are those rebellious to Scripture: They say, “I know what the Bible says, but I’m going to live my life the way, I think is right in my own eyes.”
An ignorant and rebellious attitude will do three things:
1) The marriage will never reach the joyous level it could. And it might have a great reverse affect and make a marriage miserable.
2) It will destroy the object lesson God intended marriage to be which a picture of Christ and the Church. Ephesians 5:32 “This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” The love and unity and bliss a married couple should have, is to be a witness to an unsaved world.
3) Children will be disillusioned to what marriage is all about. The reason many children today reject the type of marriage mom and dad has and reject the God they worship is because, they sense such unhappiness.
The Doctored: The first marriage began with surgery. Does your marriage need surgery? If so, let God do the cutting.
Three types of surgery:
A – We need a tongue surgery. Many folks need to lay their tongues on the altar and let God cut away any unkind and hurtful words.
Paul said in Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
Grace gives people energy. It lifts people up. It is the power and desire to do the will of God. Do your words minister grace?
B – We need heart surgery. Lay your heart on the altar and let God cut away all anger and bitterness.
Jeremiah said in Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? The love in your heart is display in your actions. People see it in your eyes and they hear it in your voice. You can not hide your heart from your children. You can camouflage it around folks at church, but not at home.
C – We need brain surgery. Lay your minds on the altar and let God remove all evil thoughts and memories of past hurts.
Second Corinthians 10: 4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) 5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
The Scriptures and prayer are our weapons.
I – First, there was an Operation (Submission)
II - Second, there was an Observance (Intimacy)
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Christlikeness: There is an intimacy in marriage far deeper then what goes on behind closed doors. Marriage was ordained by Doctor Jesus.
It was two-fold. It has a physical intimacy, but more important it has a spiritual intimacy.
Spiritual intimacy takes place in the heart. Most marriages today however are solely based on the physical. “Is he handsome?” “Is she pretty?” Or terminology today says, “Is she hot or is he hot?”
Why don’t Christians, at lease, ask the question, “Does he love Jesus?” “Does she love Jesus?” “Is he virtuous?” “Is she virtuous?” The intimacy in marriage that will see you through the good times and bad times is Christlikeness.

Chivalry: Husbands, use to live for the challenge of tapping into the deepest crevasse of a wife’s heart.
Chivalry, courtesy, good manners and politeness use to be the badge of manliness. Next to the honor of laying down his life for God, a man counted it a great honor to lay down his life for his wife.
But, the badge of chivalry has given way to a macho, non-emotional, cocky attitude that says, “I don’t need you. I don’t need anybody but me.”
The attitude that, “I can live with you or without you,” is not of God. It was never intended to be so, in the realms of marriage.
A woman was never meant to be picked up and dropped off. She was meant to be courted, wooed, loved and treated like a queen all the days of her life.
She was not taken from man’s feet to be trampled on.
She was not taken from man’s head to rule over him.
She was taken from man’s side, next to his heart, for she is to be loved, cherished and prized.
Have you quit praying with your mate? Why not take each others heart and hand and start again.

Illustration: Years ago I heard that people who have been married for years begin to look alike.
How true that is, I don’t know, but one thing I have observed to be true, in many families, is people who live together begin to act alike.
Now this can be good and this can be bad. A godly mate can cause the other to live more like God, but on the other hand, often an ungodly mate has the ability to draw the one seeking the Lord away from the Lord.
I’ve seen both sides. I know a godly girl, that married a “profession Christian man” and today is miserable.
I know a godly man that married a “professing Christian girl” and today they are at the point of divorce. Why?
They may know Christ as their Savior and I pray they do, but they don’t know the heart of God or the Word of God.
This happened in the life of Mark Twain. When Mark Twain married his wife, Olivia, who was very religious, to honor her, he went to church with her weekly. Mark began to find fault with the preacher and others. His criticism and critique of religion over the years finally caused his wife to stop going to church as well.
After many years a great crisis transpired in their life. Mark Twain said to his wife, “Dear you need to pray over this crisis.” She said to him, “Mark, I quit praying years ago.”
I – First, there was an Operation (Separation)
II - Second, there was an Observance (Intimacy)
3 - Third, there was an Oath (Vow)
Genesis 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
At first every newlywed couple is the product of their parents. Since, Adam and Eve did not have parents; they did not have to deal with twenty years of how mom and dad raised them, and how the environment had an influence on their lives.
If a man and woman getting married were raised by truly godly parents, then the marriage will make a pretty easy transaction.
And let me say, just because parents live a life in church, or are preachers of deacons, does not make them godly. Nor does being raised outside of Church make your married life ungodly.
I was raised in a non-Christian home. After I was saved, I had to learn how to love, how to be a godly husband, how to properly train and raise my children. The key was a vow, I made to God and my wife.
For all who use the excuse, “I wasn’t raised right,” that is a cop out. I wasn’t raised to love and fear God, but after I was born again, I learned that God wanted me loving, kind and gentle and not selfish, mean and angry.

If a couple does not develop the submissive and serving spirit, then the opposite attitude is adopted, which is a stubborn and selfish human spirit.
The stubborn spirit says, “I want it done my way.” The selfish spirit says, “It will be done my way.”

Illustration: On a native island the custom for marriage was for the man to pay a dowry to the father-in-law. If the man felt the woman was worth one cow, he would offer one cow. If he thought she was worth more, he would offer more. The most a man had ever paid for a wife was the great sum of five cows.
On the island was a strong good looking native who showed an interest in a backward, shy and plain-looking girl. He went to her father to make an offer for her hand in marriage.
The people wondered how much he would offer for this plain girl. “Will he offer one cow or may one and a half,” they said with laughter.
When the wife to be was secured, it was discovered that the man offered to the father of this plain woman, five cows. The people were amazed.
They were married. He took her away to a distant island for ten years. When they returned, the people could not believe how beautiful the plain looking woman had become. Why?
Her husband made her beautiful by making her bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. He made her what he was.

4 - Fourth, there is an Obligation (Responsibility)
Genesis 2:24, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Marriage is a great privilege with many benefits. But those benefits come with great responsibility. A man is to take care of his wife. He must leave his father and mother. That means, he must not be dependent on his mother and father any longer. He must be his own man.
Mothers, teach your daughters this truth, “Don’t marry a mama’s boy.” If the guy you are thinking about marrying can’t take care of himself; he can’t take care of you and he won’t.
It won’t be long before you will be taking care of him. Girls, when you get married, marry a man who works hard and provides for himself. Oh, yes, make sure he has a job, a car and a driver’s license.
-Marry a man who will be your spiritual leader, who will set an example for you. You don’t want to be a mother to a twenty-five or thirty-five year old child.
Illustration: Over ten years ago I dealt with a family that was having problems. The wife worked six days a week. The man claimed he couldn’t find a job for quite some time. He finely landed one with minimum wage. His father was pretty well off, but the boy, being spoiled most of his life, found it difficult to work, since he never had to work till he got married. His life was pretty much fun and games.
She threatened to leave him again and again. One day, he called me and asked if I could come and talk to them. I drove 150 miles to talk with the family. He didn’t want her to leave. I asked her what the problem was. She told me, “He comes home on Friday evening and goes into the back bedroom and plays Video games with a friend till Sunday night. He does that weekend after weekend. I ask the man if this was so and he said, “Yes.” We talked. He promised to change. But she left anyway. I felt sorry for the man, but I don’t blame the woman. She married a kid. O’ yes! They had three children and the oldest was 14. This was a 35 year old kid. That thought more about playing video games then taking care of his wife and family.

Girls, if the man can’t take care of his own life when you meet him, he can’t and won’t take care of you.
If he isn’t seeking God without you before you meet, once he gets you, he won’t seek the Lord with you.

Ladies, look at the man’s responsibilities towards God. If God is honored and put first, you will be honored and put first. If God is not honored and put first, neither will you be.
I believe most Christian women have a good heart. I believe many of them would be more apt to play their role, if men would play theirs. But, I know there are exceptions to that rule.
John Wesley, the founder of the Methodist religion, injured his ankle one day while stepping off a platform. He was taken to a widow’s house with two children, where the widow ministered to his injury. John married that widow. I wish history revealed that they were happy, but they were miserable. She wrote letters against his ministry. They were not a happy couple. She was such a heavy burden to him, that John wrote in his diary that he felt at times, he was married to the devil.
Men, please learn your role, and women, please learn your role before you ever enter the doors of matrimony.
You might say, but I have been married for years. How are things going? Do you know your role? Are you playing your role for God’s glory? If you know it and you are playing it, you marriage will be wonderful.
Think again of the spirit of marriage. Learn God’s word and develop a submissive and a servant spirit.

5 – Fifth, there is a Oneness (Unity)
Look at Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
The quicker you seek the Lord, the quicker you become one flesh. If both are seeking the Lord, then you will become like the Lord. Love and joy and peace will flow from your lives.
If both are seeking to please self, then you have a two-headed monster in the home and that would be very frightening to the children and neighbors. Nobody likes monsters. God intended marriage to be the most beautiful flower in your yard.
Notice the words, “one flesh.” How many of you are one-flesh? I mean you have an oneness of spirit. You are in unity and harmony with each other. There is nothing between you and your mate. You are best of friends, you are prayer partners and you are lovers.
You may ask, “What does it matter?” There are many things that matter but I will give you two:
1) Your prayers will get no higher than the ceiling if things are not right between each other.
2) Your children will rebel against God or be harmed by a lack of oneness in your marriage.
If you to be “ONE FLESH.” In Christian Living that meant Parents raised their girls to be chaste, discreet, loving and gentle. A girl was taught how to love her husband and raise her children by mom. A girl was taught the Scriptures by dad.
The boy was taught how to seek the Lord, how to be the spiritual leader and how to love God. Well, when these two kids got together, they were well trained for whatever lied ahead.

The famous words that Ruth spoke are God’s word for a woman to a man. It brings oneness.
Ruth 1:16 “And Ruth said, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:
17 Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.”
I stand amazed at this statement because it was not made by a godly Israelite, but by a lowly Moabite. What amazing character she had, even before she knew the Lord.
Review for a moment:
God made man first. Man was made for God’s fellowship. Man was to walk and talk with God and set godly goals for his life.
God made the woman for man. The woman, soft and gentle, loving and pure was to join the man in marriage to help him reach those God-given goals.
Most of you men probably think, preacher, you talked to us a lot, but you didn’t say much to the ladies. You are right! The reason for that is because, I learned that when I began to seek the Lord and became more like Christ, God shoed me that I had to be the initiator. I had to set the example of what I wanted my wife to be.
My submission to God became my wife’s heart.
My servant spirit was an example to my wife.
My kind words were returned by kind words.
My love was returned with love.
Now, I know, there are so men and women that are going narcissist (self-absorbed, selfish) and may never change.
Listen Christian, play your role. If you live your role for the Lord, God will either bless you with a great life down here or a greater life on the other side.
Men and Ladies, we live in a culture in America that teaches just the opposite of everything I have showed you from God’s word.
Because of that, having harmony in the home becomes more and more difficult with every passing generation.
Would it not be great if every young man sought God’s face and set spiritual and Biblical goals for his life?
And think, if every young girl knew that her main calling in life was to be a good wife to a godly man.
But, because this seldom enters the minds of most married couples, after the physical bliss has worn off, troubles begin.
-Some couples seek the Lord and work things out and the joy and bliss of Godly marriage comes again.
-Some couples stubbornly are determined to do things there way and they lose their oneness, but decide to endure till the ends for pride sake or the sake of their kids.
-Other couples are so trouble; they end the marriage, hoping the next one will be better. Statistics reveal that about 68% of the time, the second marriage is more difficult than the first.
Therefore, the best way is God’s way.
6 - Sixth, there is an Openness
Genesis 2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
A couple must bare their souls to each other. Their must be communication. Couples must be able to talk without getting angry or fussing.
Proverbs 13: 10 Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.
Pride brings arguments, disharmony and strife.
Couples must be open to each other’s opinions and views. Openness is essentially the willingness to grow and change.
Years ago a man once bought a new radio, brought it home, placed it on the refrigerator, plugged it in, turned it to WSM in Nashville (home of the Grand Ole Opry), and then pulled all the knobs off!
He had already tuned in all he ever wanted or expected to hear.
Some marriages are like that. They are "rutted" and rather dreary because either or both partners have yielded to the tyranny of the inevitable, "what has been will still be."
If you like the rut, you are in, stay there, but if you would like to enjoy the beauty of marriage, do it the way the maker planned it.